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Weddings
I just got back from a wedding last night. It was at a really nice place, open bar - the whole works. The ceremony was, as always, a real tear jerker. (Not sure if because the ceremony is so nice or because the groom doesn't know what he is getting in to.)
The dinner was great - but what followed was hard to take. The music was so incredibly loud that my ears are still hurting. There was only 1 slow song, the rest were rap and songs with no melody (with language to match). We had to leave early along with some other couples.
I am only 52 but am obviously out of step with the new generation. When my daughter gets married (hopefully not too soon) I hope its not like this.
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Having attended a few weddings and having been one half the team on the giving end, I would offer a few comments.
1. Yes, you are of a different generation. Embrace it, and get over it.
2. The planning for weddings is very tramatic for all parties concerned, but mostly for the bride and her mother. Every detail has the potential to be a crisis.
3. Compromises are a must, but difficult to reach.
4. When your daughter gets married, your job is to keep your mouth shut, and check book open. See rule #2.
5. Weddings, like gallstones, will pass. Enjoy and go with the flow.
b
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Bobkro, you make valid points. I have some restrictions, though - my wallet will be open but with limits. I think $10K is my limit. Some of these weddings are up at $30K+. I have seen some of the best weddings on more limited budgets. I will do my best to enjoy the new generation of "music". 
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I think you are right to have a budget going in. However, don't be too surprised if the upper limit "comes under discussion," especially about two months out, as plans and reality begin to clash.
Just try to stay cool. It's only money.
b
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I think spending a lot of money on a wedding is ridiculous. Get married by a Justice of the Peace or have a small church wedding. Put all that money to better use instead of trying to impress someone.
Just my .02 worth.
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The best part is the couple is still living in an apartment or their in-laws, but they just wasted 30-40k or more on a party basically. They expect to recoup unrealistically 80%. They wind up with less than half, are in more debt and still cant do the down payment on a house.
The brides dream wedding is followed by debt and living in an apartment or the in-laws. Needless to say they start to fight and instead of working together and making it work
they bail on the marriage....true story that gets repeated over and over again by couples these days...Its not like this wasnt spelled out before hand, but that "storybook" wedding is all that matters...short sightedness at its best...
Ducati
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I am 38 years old. And I must say, I really hate rap music! Just my personel preferance.
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Billy and Ducati, I agree wholeheartedly. When I married I had 13 immediate family members at a church - then we went to dinner. My father-in-law bought us a bedroom set which we greatly appreciate. I am prepping my daughter now about alternatives to expensive weddings. She can have a wedding party (within limits) or take the money.
I am a hard-ass when it comes to money with my kids. They have what they need but I don't want them to think I am a bottomless pit and that they don't need to support themselves. When my daughter went to college she didn't save enough money. So I sent her $20/week for the first semester. She hasn't stopped working since then.
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Rap music is not a generational issue. Rap music is shit from The Pit.
Why in the world would any SANE PERSON want to listen to, or encourage lyrics that glorify death, rape, prostitution, murder of cops and presidents, drugs, gangs, mindless thuggery, oral/anal sex, mayhem, butchery and homicide?
You don't let your children play in their poop, do you?
If you don't walk away from it.....
If you don't speak up...
If you don't hold a standard against it....
Shame on you. SHAME, and hang on tight, because it is a rough ride through the moral toilet and into the sewer of human chaos where this crap came from and where it will drag all of us if we don't stand against it.
I guess this is a little more than $.02 worth.
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I would honestly question whether a couple with this mindset is mature enough to be getting married. With the music choice and with it being so loud, they were obviously only thinking of themselves. So much of life (and marriage) is giving to others and learning how to live with compromises. If they were not thinking about others now, do you really believe that they will be thinking how to please the other later??? I really doubt it. Even though I am only 33 with no experience in the matter, I would definately stick to your budgeted amount...kids that know no bounds while growing up end up in a world filled with debt with no escape. Choices need to happen in every part of life...no one can have it all. The more you have (or try to get), the less happiness there is many times.
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