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Our Government
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams
across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and
cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at
2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,
I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.
I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to
provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources
and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
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I love it!
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Our Government
dam
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That is way too funny.
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The fact that this happened, is TRUE, the dates and places are wrong. This actually happened in 1997
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm
Link:
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WW,
I should have checked it first. But as you point out it is true other than the year and it is Michigan. Guess this is why companies started leaving there.
But the fact a person or people in such authority are so STUPID is sad. It is good when such is able to be shared. I do wonder if the government employee who wrote such has retired with FULL Government Benefits.
Aren't you the one who is taxed on the view or such of their property. I was telling a builder about that at lunch today and he asked how can you be taxed on a non tangible? Can they sell the view at auction if you don't pay taxes on the view?
kt
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Kenneth, the same thing is true of property taxes up here too.
I have a neighbour at the lake who bought a "kit" home as a cottage a few years back, he bought it because he saw one just like it being built a few miles down the road that we are at the far end of. My neighbours land and is significantly smaller (0.5 acre vs 10 acres), is not on a publicly maintained stretch of road, we all chip in to do it out-of-pocket, we have no garbage pick up, no school bus at the end of the driveway, it stops 5 miles south of us. Yet my neighbour pays more than 4 times the taxes of the guy down the road who has all the land and services.
Why? Because my neighbour looks out his front window at a lake instead of a forest.
Go figure.
Best of luck.
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KT
The numbnuts that wrote the mentioned article was more than likley told to do so by someone that WE VOTED IN. The government fantasy crap that is shoveled out is so far removed from reality that noone can tell the difference. The GS-2 that mailed the letter more than likely has a real sorry job ($8 to $10 hr in a 8x8 cube)and mailed 5,000 form letters the same day. It is a DAMN shame.
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SG,
I would say there is a good possibility you are correct. There really are some very great people who work for our different governments. There is even one or two great elected ones. Well could be 3 or 4 total. I do realize there are more good ones than the bad ones, just it only takes one missing tooth in a gear to make a lot of noise and stop all the work.
If it was a bottom level person who sent the letter or any level for that matter because an elected person said to, we all know who's fault it was and it sure was not the elected person's.
Murf,
It makes no sense.
My sister in Illionis has run into a mess on taxes also. She has the smaller lot and with less road frontage and such (no view) but highest value. They gave her all kind of reasons without stepping foot on her property why she should pay more. She found one employee who said they are totally off but you will have to force them as a certain level manager was offended the rate was questioned. Seems he had set it. Probably time to take him fishing...
As least we can contest, tell about, make fun of such. Just think in many countries you have no taxes as you own nothing.
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KT
You are the smartest person I know.  EW should love that. There are some fine, smart, upstanding, educated, pillars of the community that work for the government yours truly being # one. In all truth alot of what you pointed out is true. There is alot to be desired with the way this company I work for is managed, but it is nice to work for a company that makes its own money.
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