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tractor therapy
Well O, life sometimes hands us tough problems. Like they say if you have lemons, make lemonade.
You should feel lucky that 1. you have a way to escape the mind burden you have. 2. your wife is still with you. and I believe most important the fact that you awake each day and should look forward to the sunshine, snow, rain, whatever it brings. Just think of all the folks that cannot do that for various reasons.
When I get to feeling bad I look around and thank my lucky stars that I have this day to enjoy. You will never have this day again, ever. This helps me, hope it helps you.
Luck to you and here is hoping your wife recovers some of the personality she had when you met her.
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About 3 weeks have gone by since you wrote about your wife, how are things going now?
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Well, she has moved back into the house into the guest room. We are working on lots of issues and often it feels like a step forward results in two steps backwards. In the same sentence she will talk about divorce -- and vacationing together this summer. She is slowly starting to face things, but is still looking for a quiick and easy solution to some very complicated issues -- and tends to "run away" (literally and figuratively) when things get tough.
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A lot of folks run away when things get tough. Your the stable person and thus ALL the responsibility for the children now falls on you. Stay stable, spend time with the kids, get or keep involved with them. Go to PTA, set the best example you can.
I do not know if it helps but I had a rougher than normal growing up and remember I had one parent I could count on and one I could not. I raised 3 daughters to adults without pregnacy, drug use, well maybe a little, all got through school and no one went to jail or ran away. You may find this weird but listen to Dr. Laura on the radio when your driving. Not that she is great but you will see your not alone. I have heard this story many times on her show.
No easy cure, but a lot of us out here care, you are not alone.
Keep me, us, posted. Sounds like the sun came out, partly.
Oh yeah, on the daughters I raised? I now have 4 strapping grandsons. The oldest drives. I would be lost without "The Boys"
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Do I want to raise three children by myself? No. But of course I will...
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That question, as an educator, I think does not need an answer. Yes you will, if you do not who will? They will be your solice and refuge if you have the sense to let it happen. My brother "hated" kids, he never had any through 3 wifes. He is back with his 3rd and is foster caring one from his 2nd. Makes her mad as hell, I think it is just deserts if you will. He made a great dad, you would never have known it had you known him before. Kid is happy, brother is happy, now lets get Big O happy, what do you say? C'm man, you can do it, might even like it. What do you have to lose? JB
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Don't get me wrong I am anything but an absentee father -- I'm up with the kids first thing in the morning getting them ready for school, bring them to school, make dinner when I get home, put them to bed -- and I wouldn't change it for anything. Still, though, right now my wife is here (sort of). The thought of her not being here is tough -- no matter what I love her.
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O, re-read the above answer I sent you, things will work out, maybe not as fast or the exact way you want them to, but they will work out. Usually for the best, in my life things that did not go the way I wanted them to usually turned out better in the long run. It hurts in the gut now, but when it is time for hind sight it will look a lot better. Think about what I just said, look back and see if I am not telling you true. Good luck to you, give it some time and maybe spray the fields to make them grow, or tell me what to use on a lawn planted last summer, now green but needs help with some weeds that came it. What would I spray first, make it grow stuff or weed killer? Then how long would I wait before spraying again? Have about 2.5 acres in new grass.
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I do hope that things will work out in the end -- and I know they will but I don't know what the future looks like. Right now, for lack of a better term, I am broken. I hurt. But I know that I can and will get through this...
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04-05-2007, 03:29 
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