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women AHHHHH
Long and in two parts:
II.
For the rest of it I don't presume to give advice. A psychiatrist I worked for back in my research days was musing about his profession and said 'Who do we think we are? A personality spends 20 years or more dealing with problems without a lot of help before we see them. They end up with their own ways of dealing with things some of which cause problems. An adult human personality is one of the more complex things in the universe and do we really think we can change much in something that took 20 years to develop? He also said that without changing things the profession can be pretty good at giving people the insight to identify situations they should stay out of before they find themselves there.
Hope this helps some. But, rest assured that everybody does have qualities that others will value in the right situations. Some of us have more trouble than others in finding those spots. Yes, and sometimes finding those spots comes from others rather than doing it all ourselves. It took me over 50 years to find mine and some of those were touch and go. Nothing wrong with net relationships--after all these are modern times and smetimes they can be just the spot. They don't quite have the AHHHH I mentioned though
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women AHHHHH
Formula for a successfull marriage......A TON OF LUCK.
I married my best friend of 6 years who happened to be a doll. 24 years later, she's still my best fiend and still a doll.
A TON OF LUCK. I'm not smart enough to have figured it out any other way. Nobody is.
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women AHHHHH
Well....
I have been married a long time (25 years) but I didn't get married until I was 29 and had numerous relationships, some more serious than others, before I decided to get married.
Here are my thoughts:
Marriage is something you have to work at EVERY day. Not just on the weekend or when you have the energy/time. As someone mentioned, a bunch of flowers or a phone call during the day just to see how your spouse is doing goes a long way. There has to be a great amount of give and take on each side. You must spend quality time with them and try to be inclusive in your activities rather than constantly being alone working on some project, computer, etc.
Age is not wholely indicative of maturity. I've known 19 year olds that I would trust my with life and 50 year olds I wouldn't trust with my goldfish. Everyone's life experience's are different and some of us had to grow up quicker than others. While it may make us wiser in the ways of the world, it doesn't necessarily make us more mature regarding relationships.
Money may not buy happiness but it can make it a lot easier to be happy. It can't be your money or my money but it has to be OUR money. Everyone has to have some money that is truly theirs to do with as they want. BUT, that money should be determined and distributed after the bills and savings are taken care of and any large dicretionary items are discussed and approved or rejected. It is crucial to save something each paycheck, even if it's a nominal amount. It grows to a tidy sum that can be a buffer if an emergency should arise.
You've got to talk. The toughest thing in the world to do is to sit down with someone who has the capability of making you happier or more miserable than any other person in the world and calmly, rationally discuss problems in your relationship. Not all couples are capable of this and it is imperative they seek counseling. If your spouse refuses to go, go by yourself. At the least you'll get some insight into why you feel the way you do.
Try your damnedest to make things work, but if they don't, be prepared to decide if you are going to be happier (or less miserable) with her or without her. Children are important but "staying together for the kids" is the absolute worst reason to stay married. Not only are the parents miserable but the kids will be affected for years.
Although it's very hard to do, it's much better to part as friends. It may not seem like it but life does go on and things WILL get better.
oneace, I hope everything works out for you.
Paul
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women AHHHHH
Thank you all for your comments. It has helped me open my eyes a little wider. Still confused but as they say Rome was not built in a day. I am sure in time what is meant to be will be.
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women AHHHHH
Oneace
Looks like you have plenty of advice in the marriage area so I will not give you mine from 19 years of marriage. I will give you this though. This will be hard and maybe long but read it.
Dont listen to just one doctor or even two. Pshc's, sometimes are even worse. My father, a retired narcotics dective is now gone. 11 years ago the docs told him he needed xanax. Now for the rest of the story...
This man was a ball to be around, great guy but did not trust people he did not know (from his job I think). He would get tense around others so the doctor decided to take his life from him and give controll of it to his bottle of xanax. (Your med is the same)
Oneace... This is the perfect drug for company's and doctors to get rich on. The more you take... the more you need to feel the same... The longer your on it... the longer it takes to "ween" off it. These meds feed themselves... like a parasite in your body. I have seen this first hand but by the time I knew what was going on it was too late. He had slowly increased his meds just to feel "normal" then he got divorced again and anouther phyc put him on paxil also!!! This was his undoing! the last 2 years of his life he was living in his anxiety med bottles. Watching the clock instead of hitting golf balls.
This man went from being a towering image to a dependant old man before it should of happened. I took his meds from him in the hospital so he could not self medicate himself while also getting what the hospital was giving him... That is when I realized how bad he was. We were peeling him off the walls, clock watching in the room with never turning on the tv just waiting for the next time the meds were to be passed out and screaming if they were late!!!! Oneace ... this in a nightmare get off it now!!!
he could not leave his house without a few in his pocket,
the doctors just precribed MORE to ease the symptoms. By the time (5 months ago) I stepped in and told the doctors that the jig was up? He was already admitting to his addiction to it but could not controll it and would lie without batting an eye. My wife is a nurse, she would testify to everything I have said. I could go on and on but wont. I am talking about my best friend who was father who has passed recently.
If you really need help do it with out meds!!!! Oneace.. do a quick search on these meds and read all the posts from people addicted to them and how they beg for help getting off. Oneace,,, your smallest problem will soon be your wife!!! And you will lose her for sure if you stay on these meds. There are options other than meds for your stress and condition, pursue them!
If you want the whole story and facts I can provide them e-mail me, for I have lived in the horror story your about to enter. I would not preach this on the board ebarressing my fathers name if I did not feel so strongly about this. yes some people NEED these meds. YOU ONEACE do not. you hold down a job, 12 hours a day??? You dont NEED these pills. They may help you thru these troubled times but soon you will have more problems than you ever would imagine!!!!
Take care buddy, take a big breath and post here often when you get stressed dont feel like you cant talk to us
for I am an &sshole also. Even my wife says that from time to time.
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women AHHHHH
As often as I post here, about five times in 3 years, I have to agree wholeheartedly with Broken arrow.. We offered to help a VN veteran from Louisiana. Never met the guy before and only some token phone calls. He was with us a month.. Long story short, he was, like thousands of vets, placed on zanax, clamazapan and many more.. My wife, and X RN, was in shock to count 54 pills a day taken by this guy. The point being, the VA system in LA in their infinite wisdom,and over a period of ten years placed him on all these drugs, which slowy was frying his brains.. Once to the point we got him, he was no longer a thorn in their side.. Four divorces, four daughters that don't want to know him, no one else for that matter,, The month he was with us was beyond trying.. Last I heard, he has weaned himself off about half the daily intake.. Still, no one wants to know him, deal with him or other,, His mood swings are radical and everything else that goes along with it..Not a good way to finish life off. BTW, we offered to help him, and I took him to the Boston VA system several times a week during his month stay.. It was Boston that started him to reverse all this intake of pills. I'm not a doctor, a psychologosts/psychiatrist or anything else.. I do know what these zanax and other things do after a peiod of time.. I also agree that some of these specialist doctors are worse for a person.. Especially the ones who push drugs..
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women AHHHHH
I have a split personality. I was not able to control which one was doing the talking and the actions. The first and the normal is the nice easy going guy that most people like and trust.
The second that I do not even know when it is there until it is too late is very verbally abusive, and some times physically. I have not ever laid a finger in her and hope that I never do. Inanimate objects (wall doors or what ever is in my hand at the time) get the brunt of my second side.
Yes I know that Valium is very addictive and possibly dangerous. But I am will to take that risk to keep my first personality at all times. I have been to all the phycs. ect. with no help.
When my second personality come out it is like I am looking in a mirror at myself but can not stop my reactions. I do not want to hurt anyone mentally or physically.
For me meds seem the only solution, I do not like it but I have to deal with it to keep my splits in check.
P.S. I have only been taking Valium for 2 weeks. I personally am very happy with the results. I have been once again become nice easy going guy that I once used to be all the time.
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women AHHHHH
Oneace
Like lamarbur, I do not claim to be a doc. nor a profesional in anyway shape or form. I am just a guy who took care of a loved one that had serious issues with these meds. I agree that some people NEED these drugs. The unfortunate problem of this society is that too many people that need "other forms" of controll are put on life altering drugs. It sounds like you need to take care of yourself first and formost. Do not stop trying to find other ways to controll your outbursts. You are 24? It sounds like you have held down this job well? I have a hard time understanding that you could stay employed for any length of time at a place and have violent outbursts?
I cant comment anymore on this, Its still very hard for me to talk about experiances with my father. Please dont listen to much of what I say for I am not a professional. I will end with a few words of advice for I have been around this block a few times myself.
You are 24, you really have alot of life experiances to experiance before you may understand what I am saying.
A few rules to follow as close to as you can.
1. Dont drink a drop of alchol. Quit!!!! Your Mood
swings will increase dramatically when intoxicated.
2. Search out all forms of NON precriptive ways to
controll yourself.
3. Do not think you need to stay on pills to stay
married. Your young, you have no kids with her
you have your life you need to take care of.
Here is a saying my dad used to tell me all the time when I was your age and younger. This is coming from a cop who had seen alot already in his life.
"I see more young men DEAD or killed over a woman. I have to send one man to jail for the rest of his life and one man is 6 foot under, while within the month, the lady who this all happened over is screwing anouther guy"
He would follow up with something like, "if she is causing you that much pain in your life you need to step back and take care of yourself and your health first.
Good luck buddy I wish the best for you!
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Thanks for all your works of advice broken. Believe me they have seen my outbursts at work. None directed toward costumers but rather my management and parts dept. Evey one in there know to just leave me alone and all is good. I am trying to get out of the stress of twisting wrenches and get into the sales area which will be a whole lot less stress.(not to mention $$$)
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women AHHHHH
You are running,searching,and looking for every opportunity to place blame on everything but where it belongs!!
Sales is the most stressful and rejection filled experience you will ever encounter!!!!!!!!!!!
This thread is filled with good people trying there best to help (sympathize) with you and you still don't get it!!
I will give you one finial word from one who has dealt with many who think like you do my young friend!
You are so self indulgent you wallow in your own urine and until someone you respect and or just plain life slaps the living Sh&t out of your young pitiful being you will continue down this road of destruction! How dare you whimper and whine when you have so much ahead of you?
Would you respect someone who whines and complains like you do! NO you wouldn't and either will I!!!!
You asked for my help at the beginning of this thread AND WHETHER YOU KNOW IT OR NOT !! YOU JUST GOT IT!!!!!
Stop the pity party and do it now or shut up!!
Dean
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09-01-2004, 08:13 
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