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women AHHHHH
"Archdean the attitude you have I would not be surprised if your kids hate you too."
As usually my young friend you are wrong once again I have two Daughters older than you and they show no such animosity, just the opposite!!
My Career has involved leading Tens, Hundreds, Thousands, and no such words were ever vocalized by anyone!!
I now have the good fortune at my age to have a 7 and 14 year old Boys living in my home and what I see and those that know me is nothing short of respect on their faces, perhaps you might want to rethink that statement you just foolishly uttered!!
Blaming me will in no way help you mature, suggest you do it soon as life is short and you are way behind the curve!!
Dean
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women AHHHHH
My memory must be going too. I did not realize I was blaming you?
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women AHHHHH
Oneace - I employ 8 guys & 1 woman that is your exact age. I consider all of them my friends. One of them Rents from me. 4 of those 24 year old guys have no dad's or their dad's left at a young age like your situation. One of them has 2 small children. These guys work simular hours to you & make simular money. They all have their own issues but as we all do but are good guys. Everyday I enjoy watching these men grow & mature just a little bit. If you are aware you have a temper problem or attitude problem basically what we're all saying is to be aware of it & put in a little effort everyday to try harder to correct it. I have been reading your posts now for 6 months or more & I see that you are intellegent! You can do this & by doing this you will become a better father & a better role model as a father. So keep your head up, chest out & stand secure, You can do it! AS for women, Just get used to it. Thet are all very simular.
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women AHHHHH
What scares me the most out of any thing in this world is me turning in to my father. I can see more of him in me every day and i get worried, What is my daughter going to think of me in 10 or 20 years. But believe me I try my damnedest to be the best father in the world in fact she is my world. What really gets me is when she is around when me and her step mother get into it. I remember what it was like for me and it is no place for a child to be.
To finally try to end this thread I really care less about my happiness. All I want is for my child to be loved and know that she is loved. TO HELL with women!! All they do is make life difficult. I will just smile and nod from now on.
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women AHHHHH
O.K. so I am back again.
Nature vs. Nurture? What are your feelings on that?
I have not been around my father a very often. Even when my parents were married he alienated me (among other things), but I saw how he treated my mother(like garbage).
So is my behavior learned, or inherited genetically?
You see I was around him just enough that it could go either way. Right or wrong?
If it is learned then maybe I can unlearn it.
But what if it is genetic? Am I screwed for the rest of my life to be a jerk that nobody likes.
Archdean
You seem to be pretty level headed at what is your perspective of this.
I am not trying to whine or complain I just do not have time $$ for a shrink.
I am trying to be open to any suggestions that may be out there.
Like I said some times i am a nice guy other times i am not and I want to be the nice guy all the time with out MEDS.!!!
I know i come across hash I am not good at taking criticism, and I speak before I think.
Dean, I am sure you are a wonderful father and I apologize for my previous comments. And as I also said before I really do not care if I am rotting in a corner some where as long as my daughter is happy. I do not want her to do through what I am going through now.(yeah yeah whine whine) I just want what is best for her as all fathers do(well almost all).
My thoughts are just twisted in knots and I can't seem to find the right solution. I also know that my skull is about 10" thick so it takes allot of pounding for me to finally grasp what I am being told.
As a final note I do respect ALL and I do mean ALL of you hear. I never mean to hurt any ones feelings or make them fell stupid or inferior.
What I want is to help people with the tractor problems and concerns. Yeah I'm 24 but I have been holding a screw driver and a wrench since I could crawl.
I just want to get my head strait so I can help here and else where more.
You guys are all great
Thank you from all I've got,
Tony
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women AHHHHH
Tony, when they give you the pre-flight lecture on the airlines, they tell you if the cabin looses pressure and the O2 masks drop out of the ceiling that you should put yours on first before you try to help your kids.
Life is not about sacrifice. The best gift you can give that kid is a healthy and balanced dad to turn to when trouble comes upon her.
The bible says to get the stick out of your eye before you try to get the splinter out of your brothers eye.
Get your mask on..... take care of yourself first.
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women AHHHHH
Women are not all evil, but I agree you don't need a woman in your life at the moment. Sounds like you got an awful lot of crap to deal with. It's far more important you get things sorted out. It's pretty much impossible to find happiness with another person till you're able to find happiness alone.
As for not having the time for a shrink, in my opinion I think you should reconsider. That's like saying you don't have the time to take proper care of yourself. Your emotional well-being is far more important than missing an hour of work here or there. Money is worthless if you're unable to be happy.
Hang in there! Sounds like you're doing a good job managing the problems you've been having. Don't fall into the trap where you're spending time trying to figure out what person to blame most for your unhappiness. These things don't matter. You can't change the past or the fact some people may have treated you crappy before. Focus on what you CAN change.
And as you get older I think you'll find things will get easier. What's really important in life becomes more clear, and the little stuff won't bug you so much anymore.
Best of luck to you!
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women AHHHHH
Nature vs nurture sure is a complicated subject. A simple view is that we are born with very general capabilities and tendencies, but it's experience that makes for specific reactions to specific situations. Anything we experience never really goes away, it just becomes part of us and how we react. Nurture, especially during early years is a particularly important part of experience, and it can be good, bad or just inadequate for the situations in which persons later finds themselves.
The important point is that while nothing really goes away, the bad, the inadequate and also good parts of it can get diluted or concentrated by choices we make in later life. We get better at bringing what we can do to what we face and we also get better at picking our situations. We also can choose situations where what we can do is an advantage. The good news is that nothing is cast in stone and we get to choose a lot about what we are and what we do. The difficult part is making choices that keep making us better. The bad part of experience can be concentrated as well as diluted.
Bad experience can create 'tape loops' for us. We always react to the same thing in the same way, and those reactions may not be what we do well or help us at all--got to learn to step around those situations. I carry my own load of anger for my own reasons. I've learned that venting my spleen makes me feel better but doesn't do anything for anybody else. I can be right as rain at least in my own mind but my anger is my own thing. I didn't necessarily choose it but it's mine to manage. It does help me do some things as long as I don't dump it on others who may be just innocent bystanders. I've learned to do things in ways that don't keep playing those tape loops.
The choices I've made also are realistic for me. I'm an ordinary person and just an educated hick. I'd never be a pro athlete, movie-star lover or command a boardroom, and I'd give myself a bad time if I were stuck with those goals. I did find a career, played competitive sports as an adult and eventually found a life partner. Took awhile but it's eventually happy making stuff. WE GET TO MAKE CHOICES AND DON'T SWEAT THE NATURE STUFF.
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women AHHHHH
I've been gone a few days and, to my dismay, this thread has taken a decidedly negative turn.
Dean,
As you so candidly point out, you are about 40 years older than Tony and appear to have a gee-whiz, dandy life. I guess I have to wonder if many years ago, at least once or twice, didn't you ever feel completely overwhelmed by circumstances? If not, you are indeed blessed.
I think that Tony has taken the first step to resolving his problems by admitting his has them and trying to do something about it. I concur with those that advise to try ALL other alternatives before resorting to prescription drugs but the fact remains that for some people they are the last resort and the only option. I'm not sure what you were referring to about sales being very stressful. While very true, I believe Tony is a technician at a tractor dealership. I believe that for someone his age, he's doing very well financially and has a job that he seems to really like. I imagine that many people would be happy if they could say the same.
While "tough love" may have worked for your daughters and the many employees you applied it to, I'm not sure that it works for everyone. To demean and disparage someone and what they hold dear will undoubtedly cause a reaction. I'm just not sure it will be the one I hope you meant to elicit.
I do disagree with one thing Tony says. If he made $45,000 last year, he certainly can afford counseling. His church or the city/county medical society where he lives should be able to refer him to a competent counselor.
I hope Tony can sort all this out and I wish you both well.
Paul
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women AHHHHH
Tony - ,ost church's offer free conseling. Mine did & it helped my attitude & marriage greatly.
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09-05-2004, 21:42 
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